Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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