It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
