Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
