i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
