Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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