My cat gives me a boner
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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