She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
