Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
