I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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