I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
