Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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