YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
