The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
