i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
