Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
