Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
