i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
