you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
