If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
