Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.

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(480): View more from Arizona

ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result

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(386): View more from Florida

I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...

(1-386): View more from Florida

thanks for that.

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(317): View more from Indiana

i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.

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(586): View more from Michigan

We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.

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(802): View more from Vermont

you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".

(651): View more from Minnesota

I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?

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