im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
