I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
