I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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