I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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