Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
