dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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