so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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