i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
