I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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