i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
