Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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