I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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