I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
