Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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