Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
