If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
