Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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