so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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