dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
