Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
