TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
