Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
