well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
