Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
