you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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