Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
