Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
