I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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