there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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