i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
